I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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