Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
where are you?
Hypothermia
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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