Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
