my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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