i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That accounts for only three of the penises
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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