Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
