Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
