Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
