You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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