so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
