Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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