I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
