i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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