Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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