is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
