You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
