Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
