I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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