I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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