We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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