I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize