i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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