One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
two words...techno handjob
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
