this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
