dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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