It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
