I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
