you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
