were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Still dying that you shit outside
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
