im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
