Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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