Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
