The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
