I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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