there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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