jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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