When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
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ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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