I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
