I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
