is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
