You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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