I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
