1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
