So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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