think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
