i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
