An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
