just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
