did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
