In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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