We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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