is your mom at the bar?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
