So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Green mimosas i think yes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
