It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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