winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
