hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
