maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
