My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have fence marks all over my body
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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