it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
