I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
