He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
