Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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