and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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