She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
