I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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