I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
