My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
