My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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