A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
