It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
