my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
