no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
