You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
