Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
