His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
