We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
