you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
