at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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