Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
