I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
