Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
