I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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