So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
