I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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