This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
