Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
