Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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