i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize