There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
