So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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