I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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